


I would have loved you all my life

by OneMoreDaytoBeWicked



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Captain America: The First Avenger, Hydra, Lots of Angst, Multi, POV Bucky Barnes, Presumed character death, dammit hydra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 16:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10442637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneMoreDaytoBeWicked/pseuds/OneMoreDaytoBeWicked
Summary: Bucky's thoughts during the events on the train leading up to his presumed death.  He  reflects on his life with Steve and tries to come to terms with what he knows is coming.





	

The last thing he remembers from right before the fall was Steve. Before the side of the train blew up he remembered getting separated between rooms from Steve. God, his hands were shaking making his hands fumble with his gun. He couldn’t hit the damn Hydra soldier and he was almost out of bullets. Leaning back against metal boxes he crouched down closing his eyes for a brief second as he drew a deep breath. Peeking out from behind the boxes, he fired a couple more times. Shit .he was out of ammo. A door opened behind him, and his heart practically dropped to his stomach. What if something happened to Steve? What if this was another Hydra guy coming to kill him? He could hardly describe the relief he felt when he saw Steve.

Catching the gun Steve tossed to him, he nodded thanks as Steve ran forward, shield first of course, and crashing into one of the metal boxes, sending it towards the man who Bucky had been in a firing match with. As the guy evaded the box, he was in the perfect range for Bucky. He pulled the trigger, hitting him easily this time.  
Bucky stepped towards him, “I had him on the ropes.”

“I know you did,” Steve replied as he looked around.

They barely had a moment to gather their wits before they heard the sound of a Hydra gun preparing to fire.

“Get down,” Steve shouted raising the shield was in front of the both of them.

When the gun fired, the blast sent Steve tumbling off to the right and knocked Bucky backward. More importantly it left a gaping hole in the side of the train. Bucky’s heart pounded in his chest as he heard the gun prepare to fire again. He lunged for the discarded shield. As Bucky stood, he fired at his opponent. He missed dammit. The Hydra soldier fired again, hitting Bucky; blasting him out of the train. He clung to a broken piece of metal on the side of train that threatened to give out.

It couldn’t end like this. It couldn’t. There were so many things he hadn’t experienced. So many things he wished he’d done sooner. After such a long time just being friends with Steve, which he cherished and didn’t regret, it had only been a short time that both they discovered their true feelings for each other.

Even though they couldn’t be open about everything and things had been kept to the privacy of their apartment it was special. It hadn’t been long enough. There had never been anything official which was why he never made a comment or even a remark about Peggy, even though it hurt like hell to watch Steve fall in love with her everyday. Steve was still his best friend though, and he wanted what was best for him even if that meant that he wasn’t with him like that.

“Bucky!”

The look of fear frozen on his face, he glimpsed Steve trying to save him by climbing onto the railing on the side of the train. He was always doing risky shit like that. His golden hair ruffled in the wind. Where had his helmet gone?

“Grab my hand!”

Bucky tried to reach it. The metal creaked. Flashing to Steve’s face after a glance at the bar, he could see the tears in his eyes. This was it. He’d never get to be with him again. Bucky barely could remember the feeling of his kisses. The last time he’d been able to kiss him was at their apartment before he was shipped off. It was only a couple months ago but it damn well felt like forever at this point. Bucky would have given anything just to go back to their life before the war. Their shared apartment and the quick kisses they sneaked in when they could. He couldn’t blame Steve for loving Peggy. She was good for him and his best friend deserved someone he could be with publicly. But, still, he couldn’t help long for the days when their life wasn’t complicated by war.

This damn train and Hydra would take it all away from him. He knew somewhere in Steve the man still felt the same for him, or at least that was what he hoped. If he lived long enough to get out of here alive Bucky knew no matter what happened he’d love Steve just as he did when they are sixteen.

As the metal creaked more he could feel it loosen and his heart pounded in his chest as terror seized him. The cold nipped at his fingertips, yet his hands still felt like they were slipping from the bar. He tightened his grip on the bar, trying to cling to the train.

When the bar finally gave out sending Bucky down the long fall, he screamed. He could faintly hear Steve calling out to him, the other man’s voice strained... heartbroken. Steve had already risked his life trying to save him once and he knew that was pure luck, he accepted in that brief moment Steve couldn’t save him. He’d seen him reach out further when it initially broke. If he’d leaned out a little farther, Steve would be falling with him down to death. All Bucky would think as he plummeted to his death was that he was glad he was the one falling and not Steve.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fic!  
> I spent so much time having to rewatch the train scene to write this, even the scene always makes me so sad


End file.
